|FEAR is head stuff |
My life history was one loaded with fears. As my mom said, "you were even afraid of your own shadow."
Growing up a buck toothed, curly haired, short, poor, uncoordinated, and husky child in Brooklyn I dreamed of being the star quarterback, or the blonde blue eyed, tall, rich kid. Adding to this mess my dad died the day after my 17th birthday, can't anyone get a break?
|What stories are you telling yourself?|
MY FEARS: I was afraid I would never amount to much;
I was afraid I would always be wanting but never having;
I was afraid I would never meet that special someone I could share a life with,
fear, fear, and still more fear.
During my school days I would drift off, there but not there. I was that daydreamer the teacher yelled at. Dreaming of better things.
Living with fear and anxiety is a daily struggle for a great many people. I'm not here today to tell you I got it all solved or I have all the answers but I will tell you this, I have studied, learned, seminared, read, and worked on myself over the last thirty + years. I believe if I can do it then You can better yourself, you can succeed, and you can choose to deal with things in a healthier way.
FEAR as Motivator
Some attorneys as well as other professionals (clergy, teachers) use fear as motivator. They scare people into hiring them, and accepting their stories of your predicted future.
They tell people, "If you don't hire me you are in for even more pain." What a great way to deal with people? What a recipe: Take people who are already afraid and add kerosene to the fire.
I do not choose to play that game. If anything I look to turn down the volume and bring some certainty even to those who do not hire me.
Do I do this because I am a good guy? No.
MY PHILOSOPHY = HOW I CHOOSE TO LIVE LIFE AND PRACTICE LIVING
I do this because I believe if I put out crap I get CRAP back, it's very simple.
It's a big universe, and I do not want to throw out any horrible boomerangs. Maybe I'm wrong but I believe in the totality of all of it we are compensated. I have seen so much over the course of my life. I feel lucky because I now see that every problem I have ever had was a gift. I am who I am and what I am because of my failures, my faults, and my voids. In fact MY FEARS and my overcoming them with courage. Not eliminating them but facing them, as should you.
Fear, the False Idol (that some make into a G-D)
Fear can be defined as false evidence appearing real. We can exaggerate or minimize anything. In our minds we choose how we see things or view them. Life is more perspective than anything else. If we choose to see something as devastating, then it is. OR we choose to see it as a bump or a challenge, it is all a choice. Our own personal heaven or hell is usually of our own making.
What is true Responsibility?
RESPONSE - Ability is our ability to respond to things in a healthy way. I can choose to respond with anger or with activity.
DWI Arrest Fear:
The truth is that if you are arrested for anything (including DWI) it is stressful because of what you don't know. You are in the dark to a large extent. So many questions without answers is not a great place to be.
Will you go to jail? Will you be placed on supervision? Will you have to do a drug program?
Will you lose your license (privilege) to drive? Will you lose your job? Will you never get a job?
Loss, loss, and more thoughts of loss. Questions without immediate answers can be troubling.
Criminal charges mean you are accused of doing something wrong. Something against the rules (laws) of a particular state. It is kinda like the TV show Survivor in which the tribe has spoken and you are now banished. Some first feel guilty, then anger, then denial, then bargaining, then acceptance, running over and over through the cycles. I wrote (see blog) about this years ago.
I likened it to the Cycles of Loss one experiences after any bad news, from Cancer to Death to Divorce to an Injury.
First, YOU MUST Break the Cycle.
1. Determine (decide) this is NOT the end it is a NEW beginning.
If you think this event is one sided (all bad) you are doomed from the start. This idea you have of all bad and no good will literally bury you. One of the healthiest beliefs I have ever adopted is that everything has TWO SIDES. All are blessings and curses. You can believe in fantasies all day long. This is the reality, take a good look at the lives of the majority of lottery winners, hollywood stars, and A-listers and realize it ain't all a bed of roses. Money, fame, and success bring with them a host of other issues. Sudden and meteoric rises have fast and furious falls. You will balance yourself or life will most certainly balance you. Staying humble and grateful for everything is not easy. Life is a great series of challenges. Life is a school so Learn from all of it.
How do you do this? I think best by writing stuff down. Write out "how" this life challenge could help you. Yes, an arrest or for that matter any contact with the legal system can help balance you out. Life is all about equilibration. If you are not balancing things out, a sickness/illness, a divorce/breakup, a legal problem, or a financial issue will come into play and force you to stop and make a change.
In my Chiropractic practice I saw many people who were burnt out, ie. those working too hard, too long, and with crazy hours. Weakened (stressed) bodies and minds get sick. They were soon flat on their backs (literally and figuratively). They found that getting sick made them rest and reflect.
Be proactive. Taking action on your situation gives empowerment.
I have seen relationships come together after a DWI arrest and also quickly break up after a DWI.
I have seen people get ultimatums from family and friends after a DWI.
I have seen people totally change friends, lifestyle, jobs, careers, and school after a DWI.
NONE of this is good or bad. Get it, it just is. Life is change.
What a legal issue does is catalyze change. It Forces you to make a change (s). Sometimes until this "bad" event you are just in a low level of misery. Or you are just going day to day lying to yourself. How many of us live day to day with maybe one day or someday I'll do x? Or it's not so bad, just another couple of years?
You want to know who your friends are? Go through something bad, everyone wants to be around you when things are smooth, when you make a mistake, who is still there? What a legal issue also does is clarify. It gets rid of all the BS. Who loves you? Can you even love yourself with all your mistakes or problems? Because if you can then you are a healthier person than those who can not.
2. BE pro-active. Sitting on your ass is not the answer unless you have been standing for awhile. Get a plan or make a plan. I give my clients plans, and then things to do. Taking action is a cure for most ills. We are designed to move and be dynamic. Stagnant pools of water breed disease. Inactivity is usually a bad response to most things.
Activity may involve getting paperwork together. It may involve dealing with a license, the DMV, a car, or a job. It may involve preparing for a change. There is nothing like being prepared to meet a challenge head on. Having the right paperwork at the right time is priceless. It just feels good to be and feel ready.
If you do not agree with any of this I respect your right to have another opinion. You are entitled to hold onto to your beliefs until your dying day. Many (in fact the majority) live with beliefs that do not serve them, or anyone around them. Sometimes being right is more satisfying to people than being healthy and fully functioning. In my mind success is not a thing or a place or a position, success is really a mindset.
Always consult with an attorney about any criminal or non-criminal charges you have pending to discuss your options and/or defenses.
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Chosen as a 2013 Rising Star in DWI/DUI in Upstate New York by Super Lawyers